I can tell you from personal experience that this was a skill I needed to learn. In my past, there have been times when even though the relationship was good, my insecurity would eat away at me. A problem with suspicion and snooping is: This creates a vicious cycle that destroys trust in the relationship and ultimately causes a problem where there was none. Trust is very hard. At this moment, you are reading into the situation negatively, assuming that he has bad motives or could be playing you.
It might, it might not. First off let me say that many men keep their profiles active even though they are interested in the woman they are regularly dating. They like having women contacting them…even if they are rejecting all of them as it makes them feel desirable. If you think this is annoying I definitely understand but I would still encourage tact when you try to resolve this issue.
In some cases, this could cause what he saw as a healthy, budding relationship to end abruptly. I even had one reader who had gave the man a hard time the day after their first date when his profile was still up. I have been dating a man I met on Match. We have a great time together and he calls every night to chat or say goodnight.
I am really interested in him and I get the feeling that he feels the same way. My issue comes with him still having his profile up, and with my curiosity getting the best of me, I check almost everyday just to see when he last logged on — seems to be every few days or so. I have read what you have written on this subject and I know you said that men are slower to remove their profiles than woman — so my question is how long is reasonable to wait for him to do this before you say something or begin to feel offended by it?
His response actually makes me wonder if he even realizes that he could hide his profile. Silly logic aside, I would ask any reader who has this issue the same thing I asked the woman who contacted me: Until the conversation happens, I would say it is fair for a guy to keep his profile up. Perhaps not nice or courteous but not unfair either. And how I ended the craziness is by going off the site completely. I quietly took down my profile.
I did this because, left to my own devices, I was untrustworthy. As a woman, one thing that makes us feel safe, loved, and sane is connection with the people we care about. Stated simply, when you connect with your potential man, you instinctively feel safe. I recommend you try hard—very, very hard—to avoid peeking. In fact, it could be damaging it. Most men use dating site apps for their smart phone. I believe wholeheartedly that in this case, ignorance is bliss.
Need another reason not to be a stalker? On most sites your view is public. Some sites are smart enough to charge you for a privacy feature, so you have to pay them to stalk privately. I write what I know.
Stalking Your New Date Is Never a Smart Idea
Ask a Guy: We’re Dating, But He Still Checks Match.com
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