Looking back, I probably should have ended things when I found out his age. We broke up recently after over a year of dating , and I noticed he's online again saying he's 13 years younger. I find this utterly annoying and wrong. He's not a bad guy, but it's so unfair and misleading. First of all, I have a hard time believing that 58 can pass for 45, but that's beside the point.
This story is so disappointing to me on many levels. First of all, any lie is a big red flag. But second, it is obvious this man is pretending to be younger for the purpose of attracting younger women, which is really, really unfair. It is unethical and quite frankly, slimy. I'm not going to say that if he wants to attract women in their 30s and 40s that he would get them if he posted his real age.
Why does he want such a large age gap in the women he dates, anyhow? I cannot even count the number of women I know in their 40s and 50s who are gorgeous! They have beautiful, healthy bodies, they are active and smart and wealthy and kind and worldly. I'm really questioning this guy's priorities. Not to say younger women don't have any of these things.
But what they don't have is commonality with Mr. I have interviewed dozens of men over 40 who want to date women their own age for reasons that include:. I find that so many men these days care less about a number and more about wisdom, life experience and common interests. I also have to say, people who lie about their age in online dating aren't very smart. Don't they realize that almost all outcomes will be bad? The person they lied to could see them in person for the first time and know they are lying immediately, and that might be the end right there.
Or, let's say the liar and his or her date hit it off and start seeing each other regularly. The liar is going to have to come clean at some point. When they do, do they think the person they lied to is just going to say, "Oh, that's OK. The red flag will immediately go up, respect will be lost, and the person will wonder what else the oldie isn't telling them. The other downside of lying about your age in online dating is that you are really lying about who you are.
While we all want to say "age is just a number," and I do believe that how old we are really is a part of who we are. I can say that while in my core I've always been the same person, I am very different at age 51 than I was at 21, 31 or even We are not lying when we wear lipstick. We are not lying when we color enhance our hair with a color treatment. We are not lying when we were marvelous lingerie that displays our feminine figures to their best advantage.
What is your goal in going online? Why are you posting at the internet personals ads? I want a loving life partner relationship with someone I can really share my life with. There are little white lies. There are lies of omission. There are lies of where we really thought one thing and another person has a different perspective. Lying about your age in your online dating profile, however, is overt lying. Overt lying means that you specifically, consciously, and intentionally lied to another person.
When you specifically and intentionally lie to another person at the start, that is the foundation for your romantic relationship. When your relationship progresses and you start to share more of yourself and your life with them, you will at some point need to tell them the truth. And it is not that important a detail. You will have sabotaged the development of your mutual trust. Your partner will be wondering and wondering.
To do otherwise sabotages them from the get go. April Braswell is an internationally recognized Dating and Relationship Expert. She coaches single men and women to attract and find the best life partner for them. April brings cutting edge behavioral research to singles to empower them for finding quality mates. April as always your advice is bang on the button…. If you are looking for something a little more casual, then give an accurate photo and an age range like Over 30….
I can see how one would want to lie about his or her age online. Maybe online sites should suggest that people widen their age range for a potential partner. Okay, truth is, I have a friend in this situation and she has told me first hand that this is how she feels! I agree with you April. Telling a little white lie in the dating profile will eventually mean that the other person is not going to trust you.
Niche market right from the beginning. Why do people do this? I would be one of those asking myself what else are they lying to me. In a relationship trust is to me one of the most important ones. Do not run after teenagers, most of them do not want to date someone as old as the their parents and even they do, be sure they have other intentions. While I understand that people may feel or look younger, I think that people also often forget that you are at a different life stage than those you identify with.
For example, I enjoy hanging out with people almost 10 years younger than me, and let myself forget my actual age. But it becomes painfully clear at times that we are not at the same place in life, as much as I would like to pretend otherwise. I know when I look online at people, I tend to limit the ages, and may be missing out on someone wonderful. I think misrepresenting oneself in a dating situation is a huge no-no. If I found out a woman lied about her age, I would start to question other things she has told me.
Your first paragraph makes no sense to me. The way I see it, if I am in great shape, look good, why would I lie about my age?
Online Dating Tips for Women: Can I Lie about My Age?
Is lying about age OK to do online?
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