Whether we hate it or embrace it, technology has changed how we do just about everything, including dating. There's hardly a single millennial alive who isn't an avid user of dating apps: They're a fast and easy way to meet hundreds of potential partners, or just an extremely effective method of procrastination. But for all its benefits, there are also a lot of bad things about online dating.
In my four years of online dating oh wow , I've had plenty of ups and downs. I've met some great people , as well as some serious jerks. I've talked and written about online dating so much that I was once called an "authority on online dating" seriously. Sure, it's a convenient way to meet people you might normally not, but it's also a huge time-suck, especially if you use sites like OkCupid and Match, where you have to make and maintain a lengthy profile.
I can't even quantify how many hours per week I spend on OkCupid, answering match questions, browsing profiles, and messaging an array of men. Great for boredom, terrible for day-to-day productivity. Its Fast Pace With online dating, everything seems to move at warp speed. Compared to the relatively snail-like pace of meeting someone IRL, getting to know them, becoming friends, and then maybe going on a date, the way things work online is crazy-fast. Here's a breakdown of how things might typically go in a given three-hour period I spend on a dating app: I learn someone exists, make small talk, ask a few personal get-to-know-you questions, flirt with varying levels of subtlety , exchange numbers, and ask him out.
If you're someone who needs time to move into anything romantic, you might experience some culture shock when you start online dating. Pseudo-Intimacy This is a direct result of the aforementioned fast pace intrinsic to online dating. If you hit it off with someone immediately, it can be easy to get over-excited about your romantic future, which can lead to feelings developing at an abnormal pace.
Though this isn't true for everyone, I know that I've been an inappropriate level of 'heartbroken' after things ended with someone I'd really only known for a few weeks, strictly because of the accelerated nature of the relationship. It may seem like the two of you are on the path to love, but real intimacy takes tons of time and trust to build , so be cautious of falling for someone too quickly as I have done on countless occasions.
One negative aspect of online dating is that you are dealing with a digital persona made of words and images and possibly some online voice or video chats before you meet in the flesh. When you spend time with someone in the company of others, you can learn a lot about his attitude and personality, such as how he treats the waiter in a restaurant or whether he gives money to a homeless person on the street.
Lying A famous cartoon in the New Yorker proclaimed "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. They may post flattering photos taken years ago when they were in much better physical condition, they may exaggerate about their accomplishments or they could lie about their income, education level and whether they drink or take drugs. Lack of Response A person whom you are interested in getting to know may not acknowledge your message, and you won't know if it's because the person is being inundated with messages from hundreds of suitors or if he simply is not interested in you.
What's worse is the idea that she would like to get to know you, but your message fell through the cracks or wasn't delivered because of a glitch in the online dating computer system. She might also be offline indefinitely or has started dating someone and isn't looking for anyone else at the moment. Stalkers and Sexual Predators One of the most troublesome negative aspects of online dating is the potential for stalkers and sexual predators to use it to find their next victims.
Researchers estimate that 25 percent of rapists found people to assault through online dating services, according to the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse. You should refrain from inviting someone you found online to meet you at your home.
Psychologists highlight pitfalls of online dating
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