Nice Guy Dating Coach

Every waking moment is spent thinking about her, the smell of her hair, the sound of her voice. That little thing she does that makes her so different from all the other girls. You find yourself wishing you could be around her all the time. Then one day, weeks, maybe months later, as you look at her and you feel a warmth surge through your chest. Your breathing quickens, your heart is pounding. You start treating her better than ever before. You give her everything she asks for and anticipate everything she needs.

After all, she deserves it, you love her! Then she says it: You feel anger and confusion well up within you, you treated her like a princess! You were the perfect gentleman! In the world of dating, nice guys have it tough. Results showed the women found the bad boys significantly more attractive than the control group. These were the traits that were identified to be most attractive: Bad boys are exciting. Women never know what a bad boy is going to do next, the excitement is an escape from their mundane lives.

Bad boys make every moment feel like an adventure. Bad boys are confident. Bad boys are independent. The danger that was once exciting now feels threatening. I tried to be the best lover she had ever had. I put her needs ahead of mine. In spite of everything I did for her, it never seemed enough. I could never seem to make her happy. She was frequently moody and would lash out at me, seemingly without provocation. Our sex life sucked. My resentment grew, but I kept it all inside.

I just kept trying harder to do whatever it would take to make her happy and get her to give me the love, appreciation, and sex I so deeply desired. I avoided conflict and withheld any information — including my feelings and wants — that I thought might rock the boat or start a fight. I lied, and I hid things.

I sought external validation from other women. I began to learn about things like boundaries, self-care, self-soothing, and honesty. I came to realize that the road map I had been using my entire life was extremely flawed and incapable of helping me get what I wanted. It was like I was trying to navigate my away around Seattle with a map of San Francisco.

I was sure the map was accurate, but no matter how hard I tried, it never got me to my desired destination. As my personal awareness increased, an interesting thing happened. I began to notice other men who seemed to be a lot like me. Married men I worked with in my practice as a marriage therapist were making the same kind of statements about their partners that I had been making about mine: Is that asking too much?

Then there were the single guys. These guys helped out and listened to women talk about their problems. Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and avoid conflict like the plague. If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me and people I desire will desire me. If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life. These covert contracts operate at an unconscious level. Are YOU A Nice Guy?

Who is a Nice Guy? He is the relative who lets his wife run the show. In a way, I have an identity and a dating crisis. I heard you were an expert, so how do I get a woman to go out with me? Dating failures are almost ALWAYS perception and confidence problems and not real problems. Your question says it all: You become the man that she wants to go out with. Our job as human beings is not to make anybody do anything.

All you can do is be the kind of woman that makes a man never want to never leave. The focus is on who you are, not on how you want him to act. Same for you, my rose-giving friend. In short, nice guys have to grow a set of balls. Because bad boys inspire, excite, lead and generally appear to have things all under control. This is something that feeds on itself and has led you to this crisis of confidence.


The Nice Guy Syndrome


Do You Have “Nice Guy Syndrome?” Video!

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