Terrible Dating Profiles

Only that last bit is relevant here, I guess. The Messages I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality. The captions on her photos were just as draped in red flags as her profile was, so there's no way they were totally clueless as to how awful she is, but sure, I figured, maybe she'd get a couple of messages a day from people with especially low reading comprehension. She got messages in 24 hours.

OK, I thought, pouring myself a stiff drink as I prepared to sift through these messages from actual, living men with functioning central nervous systems. Maybe none of them read her profile, or maybe they thought that she was fun-crazy instead of actually-ruin-your-life crazy. I just had to convince them that she was the latter. My new goal was to get these men to stop messaging her back. I was going to make AaronCarterFan come across as so abhorrent that not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos would respond to her.

Want to guess how well that worked? I'll give you a hint: I'm confiscating everyone's penis until further notice. Be Unforgivably Awful In trying to convince these men that they're better than this, my first strategy was to just say horrible shit. These messages are natural extensions of her profile, confirmation that you do not, I repeat, do not want to know this woman. She Will Ruin Your Life OK, I get it. These men don't care about her personality; there is no lower limit to how deeply repulsive she can be on the inside, as long as she's hot.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, sure, but I guess that's how it is. But what if meeting her would have clear, lasting consequences? What if there was no such thing as a one-night stand with her? What if the effects of coming into contact with this woman were devastating and permanent? Utter Nonsense Read Next 20 Life-Hacking Products You'll Regret Not Buying Sooner I'll level with you, readers: This wasn't so much a tactic as it was a result of the mental and emotional toll this social experiment was taking on me.

After reading messages from men who apparently had just slapped their semi-erect penis on their keyboard a few times and pressed "send," my already flimsy grasp on reality was loosening. Preparing response strategies and putting words into a coherent order wasn't an option for me anymore, so I decided to turn that into its own strategy. I'd tried mean-crazy, I'd tried life-destroying-crazy; I might as well try crazy-crazy.

God fucking damn it. Conclusions There are any number of cynical conclusions I could draw from the results of this experiment. For example, I could extrapolate from my data that men have been so deeply socialized to value women solely on their appearance that many of them seem unable to take any other aspect of who she is, such as intelligence or capacity for self-reflection or suffocating douchiness, into account. Or I could follow my first instinct as these messages began to roll in, which was to invest in a high-quality chastity belt and start collecting cats.

There are two serious problems with a self-description like this: The best way to stand out is to give girls specific information about your personality and interests. WHY do you do it? He tells me specifically WHAT he does to stay active, so I can easily see what we might talk about. Make it easy for girls to talk to you with these prompts for going deeper with your self-description.

Too often, I get psyched reading about a guy who seems great…only to be ambushed by his super depressing account of all the ways women have broken his heart and done him wrong. The bummer effect in action: Maybe therapy would be better right now. First, I feel bad for the guy: But then I get uneasy. If I want to talk-out a disagreement, will he freak out and accuse me of starting drama?

Some guys use their online dating profiles as a list of requirements for their future girlfriends. This is the fast track to Douche City: A lot of us do. Go ahead and look for her. This list of shallow, obnoxious demands is a huge turn-off to me. It also discourages girls who do fit the profile.


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At that point I will rate your were dating does he like me on a scale of based on taste, appearance and "mouth feel"…? Should have collected them and posted them somewhere. Vanilla with cream cheese frosting. I'll get you that Trader Joe's bag back one day, it only feels like you're doing something sinful. Shant1k I was hoping you'd fill me with your cupcakes, but you could imagine what it'd be like. No, No I didn't. They're so delicious, Martha. I fucking love Italian cream cake. I'll get you that Trader Joe's bag back one terrible dating profiles, appearance and "mouth feel"…. I will then post my results to terrible dating profiles comment section of the chive in hopes that my review of your cakes will help future chivers know terrible dating profiles cakes they should order. Im not married…and I also would like to eat your cupcake s. Honestly, but you could imagine what it'd be like. No, but you could imagine what it'd be like.

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