The closest thing my people have to a Jesus Christ figure is Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart knows this. Some of our traditional food is weird, but don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Have you ever had hamantashen? It sounds goofy, but it's basically just a cookie with delicious stuff folded inside. In most cases, I enjoy a good Jewish joke as much as the next person.
We're pretty accepting with our senses of humor I know some Jews who will laugh uproariously at a Holocaust joke, but for many of us, that's way too far. That said, almost all those silly "JAP" stereotypes aren't true. My daddy didn't buy me a BMW on my 16th birthday and only a handful of my Hebrew school classmates got nose and boob jobs for their high school graduation.
My mom and I are so close, we're practically sisters. We're also basically the same person, but don't ever try to tell me that because I will deny it until the end of my days. My dad may not look like a bodybuilder, but he will destroy you if you hurt me. He's not excessively strong or athletic, but that doesn't mean he won't intimidate the hell out of you. Or going somewhere that's not kosher to avoid this, and still seeing someone Jewish you know, also on a date, also trying to avoid everyone else.
Somehow ending up on a date in the Alice House in West Hampstead. Or wanting to go for a drink near Golders Green and ending up in the Old Bull and Bush. Aiming not to start the date by talking about Jewish geography, because it's boring, but then doing it anyway. Because "do you know Sophie Cohen? The medic who went to Birmingham? I'm friends with her sister! Asking where they're from to see if you might be related. Trying to be chill while subtly working out how religious they are.
Assessing suitability as a life partner based on their attitude to cheeseburgers. Confessing the naughty Jewish things you've done, way earlier on than is appropriate, just to see how shocked the other person is. Finding doing this nerve-racking, but also quite fun. Or in shul, on Yom Kippur, every year for the rest of forever. If it did go well, you will also see them across the room at the next family simcha.
You will then have to panic-ask elderly relatives if you are related. If you both survive all of this, you may graduate to date two. Do not encourage violence or criminal behavior, even as a joke. Do not mention upvotes or downvotes. We do not allow vote manipulation. Be respectful at all times. It's nice if you tell people that are giving you advice, "thank you.
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54 Awkward Struggles Of Being Jewish And Dating In Britain
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