And, for the most part, the online dating adventure has been exactly that. But, there have been a few interactions that have gone really really bad. I mean, like really bad. All because I am fat. Now, I am certain that this sort of thing happens to women of all sizes and shapes. Probably not just to fat women. It is so fascinating how one moment someone is basically begging me to go on a date with them and then the next minute, after I politely turn them down, that it turns so ugly.
I never even met this person. And, to think I almost did. Frightening and bone chilling. Women who spend any time online know about all of the trolls and all of the shamers. You can be a size 2 and get plenty of hate mail and comments. When you are fat woman online, you get fun stuff like this: And, I do believe in full disclosure. So all of my online profiles include some verbiage that I am NOT looking to hook up or for a booty call.
I am so grateful you will fuck me! They all have such great personalities! I mean, I do have a sparkling personality! I am picky and I am not desperate you moron. I would MUCH rather be alone and lonely then with some dickhead and lonely. Could we maybe meet first before you start telling me all about your junk. Maybe because I am so straight forward on my ads so then only men who are feeling me, reply? I think once you become an adult, you become more interested in the WHOLE person and not the shell that person is in, ya know?
That has been my experience. In fact, for almost ten years, I was a straight woman who had somehow! I only managed to figure it out because I went on a date with a guy who was generous enough to explain that it was going to be difficult to meet dudes if I only hung out with ladies. Even after this realization, however, it was hard to change my social behaviors because I was so stoked to have found a community of women who made me feel safe.
I knew I needed to diversify the social gatherings I attended and expand my friendship circle if I was going to interact with a dude ever again. I was intimidated because I knew I was going to have to deal with a lot of cluelessness, a lot of communication barriers, and a lot of moments of being flabbergasted by entitlement. But I did it. And I survived, girl! What makes the early stages of dating men so difficult? Most men will never have an intervention into the fucked up legacy of misogyny they inherited.
Most men will never understand that they are often not the most interesting person in the room. Most men will never have the privilege of being a feminist. I want to give you four pieces of advice that I think will help you with online dating. Most people of any gender do not have access to good politics. Most people just go along to get along. It takes a special and strong person to adopt feminist politics, and the truth is that it also takes some amount of access to community and an ideological education.
The privilege of masculinity prevents your average dude from ever having to think critically about his privilege or how something like fatphobia or diet culture harms women. It suuuuucks not to have a nifty tool we can use to eliminate prospects, but the truth is that online dating like all dating is complex.
Being willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of communication is important. This does NOT mean I want you to lower your standards. PRESUME that dudes will rise to the challenge of understanding you. Trust your gut A lot of times we feel we must adopt axiomatic rules because we are afraid that someone will hurt us down the line. What we forget is that our body and brain are picking up on all kinds of signals, and we owe it to ourselves to listen to them.
Online Dating Taught Me To Love My Fat Body, Regardless Of Whether I Got A Date
Dear Virgie: Online Dating As a Fat 20-Something is ATROCIOUS. Help?
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