I have to recommend against websites like collarme. I have heard plenty of horror stories about bad experiences with inexperienced doms or desperate subs. Okcupid is slightly better than collarme, but I would still get to know people in your community first. You need to have friends that you can go to for help and advice, kinky friends who you can learn from and understand your concerns and issues. I discovered a thrilling new desire to dominate that just didn't work with my husband he's doesn't follow orders well.
We were already swingers, and after a ton of research, I began my hunt for the perfect LONG-DISTANCE submissive for me. And what a hunt it was! It took months of sifting through emails and interacting online to figure out what I wanted and who was just jerking me around. Check out my website if you want the details, though it's reverse chronological. And I had a few false starts. I regret the distance now, but it was necessary for my peace of mind when I began the hunt.
My boy and I have been together over 2 years. Our 12th in person date is coming up soon! I expect you will report this as being a troll post I would go with "redundant" rather than "troll. Another self styled submissive that tries to control. I'd say you have a whole nest of emotional and mental problems. And being rather lazy and irresponsible it means you want to manipulate relationships around it to get you what you want, as soon as possible, rather than face the actual problems.
Other than that all I can really say is you seem to be the standard type of person that has little to no ability to value yourself, you must get it from others, yet you are still a human being, so you attempt to control, one difference being this game where you control things you rationalize that you don't have control over in order to convince yourself you are "sub. A lot like passive aggressive, just deeper into the victim mentality, where it's more accepted than denied.
I am sat on this shelf like a doll waiting for a child to chose that I'm the doll they really want So you are a doll with little to no intrinsic value. Your only worth that which other people place in you. But they have to come get you. You can't hop down and go play with them. They do the work, they come get you, they chase you, they bought you, they put value in you. All you have to do is decide on what type of toy you want to be, and live up to how you let them define you.
I miss the company, being taken out to dinner and the intimacy but I don't miss the 'hassle that comes with a relationship, the games and the lies that often occur So basically you want what you want, you are just getting impatient with not getting all of it soon enough. You put up barriers, and push them away. If they go away, then you feel justified in doing so, righteous. They weren't good enough.
If they keep coming around, they value you, you get your value from their behavior towards you
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