I get up, take a leak, stretch a little bit, grab a drink of water, look outside to see what the weather is like and eventually I'm my normal self. Talking to women works the same way. Even the most outgoing guys don't start out that way. You have to crawl before you walk, right? You can't be a wallflower all night and then when you see the girl you got the hots for, go up and approach her and expect things to go great.
So here's what you do The next time you're going to be at a venue where there are women you might be interested in, before you even consider talking to them or even looking in their direction, I want you to start off by talking to some of the other people around you. Start off real slow if you want. If you're out at a public place like a restaurant, bar, club or lounge why not ask a question to one of the staff there, share a laugh and have a little 30 second conversation? When I go out I always befriend the waiters, waitresses, bartenders, bouncers.
Then I talk to some of the other people standing around me, fat chicks, whoever. Then when I do see a hot girl I'm interested in, I'm nice and warm and I feel like I'm surrounded by friends so talking to her, no matter how hot she, is isn't a big deal. A lot of guys approach a woman with the goal in mind of getting her phone number, or getting a date with her, or making her their next girlfriend. They see how pretty she is and all sorts of things like this go through their heads and they inevitably psyche themselves out.
They become way too outcome dependent. And worst of all, by doing this, they appear too needy to the women and the game is over before it even begins. So here's what you do instead: When you are first starting out trying to build you skills with women you should have only one goal in mind when you talk to a woman: To get better with women. Your primary outcome should be to build your skills.
If this particular woman gets away who cares as long as you gain a little experience out of the interaction. When you shift your thinking by changing the outcome that you're looking for women will be able to pick up on it. You won't appear needy and you'll inevitably start to become more attractive. You'll also be a lot more willing to talk to women because you're setting up a game you can win.
Most guys make a woman's response to them mean something about them personally. A woman acts bitchy or cold to them and they make it mean something about them as a man. I want you to know this When a woman "rejects" you, it actually has nothing to do with you. It wasn't YOU she rejected It was just you're approach. You used the wrong particular approach. How could it be she doesn't know you from a hole in the wall, right?
So be grateful for her feedback whether positive or negative and never take it personal. Overall, the club and bar scene can be pretty intimidating to pick up women. Women go out to these places, and because they're getting hit on all night and because their friends are around they're ten times more likely to reject a guy who tries to approach them. Going to these places to meet women is playing a game with the deck stacked against you. They are all the same creature, and women are like wild cats, they can sense that fear a mile away.
Practice makes perfect, you can only get better. Practice imagery and what a general convo would look and feel like and expand from there. You might rate low but not on the bottom. You can rock a Bruce Willis, not Jenner shave and tear the house down We have just the girl for you. But the point is YOU have to have as many of the qualities as possible that GIRLS want.
My point is, become the person that other people know or want to be friends with. It is easier when you have people coming to you. Messages You have no messages. Notifications You have no notifications. Log out My guyQ My Stacks Settings. Become a Better Man Ask a Question Sports Dating Grooming Style Money Fine Living Sex. Discoveries News Top 10 Recess Top Deals Entertainment Acquire Celebs Cars. Special Features Top 99 Women Top 49 Men Dating Reviews Subscription Reviews Aging Smart Favorite Jeans Sleep Better Sex Positions.
I would give "speed dating" a chance. Even if it doesn't work out it allows you to develope confidence around women and you'll find it very easy to introduce yourself and break the ice which I find to be the most difficult thing around women.
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