If so, how soon can you say so? Overwhelmingly, men and women DO still want to get married. That means, at some point, you're going to have to tell your guy that marriage is on your mind. So, how can you find out faster if your relationship goals are compatible with his? By asking a few well-placed questions as early as your first date. I knew the qualities I wanted in a man. More importantly, I knew the traits and behaviors that I positively, absolutely refused to tolerate in a relationship.
Sitting in front of a man on a first date I wanted to know 3 important things: Is he concealing a girlfriend or a wife? Will his values, lifestyle and aspirations match mine? And although these questions are not foolproof they many not adequately expose a skillful, conning romance artist they can help you decide whether if a man is worth more of your time and effort.
When was your last relationship? This opens the door to: Are you currently dating anyone? You want to know if he recently broke up with a girlfriend or he is separated from his wife because a he may still be in love with her making him emotionally unavailable, and b he might suddenly decide to go back with her leaving you with a broken heart. The second part of this question is: Why did he breakup with his girlfriend or why did he get a divorce? Listen carefully to what he says.
If he totally blames his ex-girlfriend-wife for the problems in his relationship—get ready for a bumpy ride. What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Pay attention to what a man says because he will often mirror his own qualities. If he says loyalty is important to him in a partner—most likely he will be a loyal, committed partner. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth.
Each person gets a turn—and no one hogs the ball. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. For now, take it easy. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy.
In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Genuine interest goes a long way. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.
Who has been the biggest influence in your life? What kinds of things really make you laugh? Who is your best friend? Favorite movie of all time? What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday? Do you have any pet peeves? What was your family like growing up? What were you like as a kid? Did you—or do you—have a nickname?
97 Online Dating Questions to Get the Conversation Started
15 Great First Date Questions
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