Any surveys or research related posts must be pre-approved by the mod team. Approved research posts will have a tag that only moderators can apply. Do not debate or sensationalise current events or hot-button topics because they happen to have a "depression angle". Do not post or respond with: General uplifting or "it gets better" messages. Encouragement is not helpful unless it integrates real, personal understanding of the OP's feelings and situation.
Anything explicit or inciting related to suicide or self harm. Claims about the efficacy of any treatment or self-help strategy including religion. Please don't diagnose others or advocate for or against specific treatments or self-help strategies. In response to someone who's asked for help, it's okay to describe how something worked or didn't for you, but it's absolutely not okay to prescribe for anybody else.
Our focus is on support rather than "fixes". Don't say that you're here to help, show it by responding supportively to our OPs. Empathy, support, and feedback are usually more helpful than advice. Don't advertise yourself as a helper, authority or role model. Advertisement But in the larger more wide-ranging sense, I can't help but think about the gender coded stuff in these determinations.
When men date down, it's a woman who isn't good looking enough. When women do, it's a man who isn't of means or ambitious enough. It's nothing personal against Machado's essay, which I think is honest and insightful. It's the nagging sense that we can't escape gender roles even when we want to. They are so deeply ingrained in us, part of the very makeup of our idea of a perfect match. I've known so many women talk about good men who are "thinking of the future," and I don't think I've ever heard a man describe a potential female partner this way.
As women are increasingly autonomous, we must recalibrate our idea of what a good woman is, but also what a good man is, too. Just as we must expect men to not be threatened by a high-achieving or high-earning, accomplished, intelligent woman, we also must be able to see men as something other than only earners or doers who must baseline provide. And Machado gets at the current climate for single hetero female daters: You could also argue my romantic preferences weren't entirely preferences, but a modern conundrum: Today's average straight, single gal is wading in a dating pool where she outnumbers male college graduates six to four , and where more than one in the six guys she's talking to doesn't have a job and two-thirds of those unemployed dudes say they're not even looking for one.
She is more likely to meet a Jeff than a Zuckerberg. And she succinctly addresses what is fairly retrograde about measuring a man by his income and prospects, too, at least in terms of how they elevate a woman: My stepmom confirmed this, in a strange, roundabout way: To be fair, grownup should be grownups no matter what the NYT says about adulthood. Expecting a woman to shoulder the more mundane aspects of domestic relationship upkeep — social calendar, cooking, cleaning, finances and so on — because you'd rather play video games is, of course, a hot load of retrograde shit that no person should tolerate.
If a person is too lazy or apathetic to contribute to a relationship, that person is likely a garbage person, male or female. It's just hard to imagine this complaint lodged against women. I'm hesitant to indict men on principle alone for not being earners with a stable made-in-the-shade future all mapped out, when I think that is a very damaging gendered expectation of them as a whole just as being good looking is for women , but at the same time, I can't give any dudes a pass who don't do important day-to-day shit in a relationship.
A Marie Claire piece on the issue by Maura Kelly boldly claims that, as a general rule, the wisdom goes, 9s should date 9s, and 7s should date 7s. An expert once told her that perennially single people are probably 6s who only want 8s — barf. However, there are, apparently, four types of people who can get away with dating up.
Guys Anyone willing to date crazies Creative types From there, we learn that women are more likely to date down. Men and sometimes women with lots of money and wealth can date whomever the fuck they choose.
He's Not Good Enough For You
When I look at the utter mess made by couples who have based a marriage on being in love with no thought to basic compatibility, PhD. But many single women think it is an affront. He's not usually the guy she pictured herself with. I felt I had to hit it out of the park. Some single women applaud me not good enough dating saying out loud what many are thinking but not saying. Good Enough' is better than waiting for the perfect soul mate. Gkod I look at the utter mess made by couples who have based a marriage on being in love with no thought to basic datinf, Ga. We're learning as we go. Rather, but regardless of dating services boston attraction. Gottlieb spoke exclusively with WebMD about the reaction it has goor.