I swiped, swiped, and swiped. I read everything I could about relationships, from serious books to Internet think pieces to anachronistic dating manuals. And I recruited 15 young professionals to share their battle stories from the trenches with me. My findings are by no means the result of a scientifically sound study, but I hope it starts a discussion on what dating here is like for the youngish, college-educated professional set, and not — bless their hearts — the club promoters and Instagram models of this town.
Are we fishing in a small pond? The biggest complaint out there is about the size of our dating pool. For some people, friends and professional networks are quite enmeshed, and dating within them can result in frequent, awkward run-ins with exes. But Miami is no small town — Miami-Dade County has 2. According to the last census , Miami-Dade County has slightly more women than men, although some sources claim Miami actually has more single hetero men than women 1.
Yay for the ladies? The college-educated mostly date other college-educated people. Scholars often look at animal behavior to understand how sex ratios impact human behavior. When females are made more present, though, male desertion rates more than double, from 22 percent to 51 percent. Having more female fish in the sea makes the male fish less likely to commit because they have so many choices.
So, yay for the guys? People are more complex than cichlids, which I presume are not looking for a mate that can fulfill their emotional urges as well. That makes it harder for guys who want to forge a real connection. Perhaps the paradox of choice is at play here, and our friend finds it hard to settle on one choice when he sees so many potential matches out there. Regardless of the size of the pool, it really seems like your attitude does matter a lot on how you fare.
One woman who was widowed at 27 and is back at the dating game three years later was the most positive person I encountered. That seems to be working for her. They say some men equate a girl accepting a drink or going out on a date with consent for sex. So why date at all? Settling down, finding a life partner, seems like something everyone wants… but just not yet.
So we whip out our phones and swipe half-heartedly while we wait for that magical perfect partner to mysteriously show up in person. We date for a variety of reasons in Miami. We prefer to meet our matches in person, but most of us are not scared of using apps, even if they cause us stress with all the choice they provide. If the college-educated date only other college-educated people, it does appear that Miami women are at a statistical disadvantage. My 15 test subjects are all decent, hardworking folks who seem to treat people mostly with respect, proving that there are at least 15 good, eligible people in Miami.
I suspect there are a lot more. Novo gave us the lowdown on all the things women might be doing wrong in their approach to dating. Novo speaking at her Charmed Life School class at IronFlower Fitness. Pessimism AKA assuming all your potential mates are douchebags "The number one thing people are doing wrong is seeing dating as something dreadful, just a means to an end. Some women hate the process so much they're closing themselves off to opportunities," Novo explains.
Say a guy hits on you at the bar. Are you going to assume he's a creep, or are you going to have a conversation with him for three minutes to find out for sure? Having a perfect-man checklist "I'm absolutely guilty of doing this when I was dating," Novo confesses. Yes, I'm not going to lie, I don't want to date a guy who's shorter than me, but I do believe those restrictions won't get you what you're looking for," Novo explains. Instead of thinking, I want a guy who's 6'2', I do believe it's better to say, I want a guy who makes me feel small.
Instead of having that perfect checklist and thinking everything comes in that perfect bow, look for a feeling instead. It's just like following that feeling that leads you to your dream career. Not staying in your lane "Don't get obsessed with your best friend's love life or your co-worker's love life," Novo advises. Stop looking around, and focus instead on yourself and what's fun for you and works for you. As cheesy as it sounds, there really is someone out there for everybody.
Just because that one guy you had your eye on at the bar all night was taken by your co-worker doesn't mean there aren't any guys out there If you stay in your lane and forget about what's going on around you and who's dating whom, you'll have a better chance about not feeling bad about yourself. You'll just be happier, and people want to be around happy people at the end of the day.
Dressing for him "There are so many beautiful women in this city that it's all kind of like a competition. I definitely think guys have better pickings than we do, but it can't be a competition. It has to be about what makes you feel good about yourself," Novo says. Dressing tight and short is definitely part of the culture in Miami -- hello, the heat!
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