Get a good whiff, did you? Do you mind getting the ice cream tub too? YOU FELL FOR IT AGAIN! Indians also have a tendency to enjoy a whisky — or ten. Practice downing pints in preparation for meeting our Dads. Part of the reason why we eat so much? That goes for food, pens, hotel toiletries… Probably back to you. Think it would be nice to settle down for a romantic Bollywood film?
Neither does Bend It Like Beckham, although our Dadi knows Gurinder Chada, and Sanjeev Bhaskar. You better learn how to dance. See the moves they pull on screen? By the way, if watching all this Bollywood is making you want to come to an Indian wedding, pack for week. White girls go tanning to look like us, and come out of the tanning salon looking like clementines. We can put on awesome faux accents. Say no more if you have an ex you want to mess with or parents who recently cut you off; we'll take care of it.
We'll prank call whoever has been messing with you and pretend to be an Indian take-out restaurant with our legit-sounding accents. One Indian wedding equals five American weddings, and then some. Does your wedding involve the groom riding in on an elephant? How about four separate, over-the-top ceremonies commemorating the bride and groom?
I didn't think so. Hair salons pay Indian women to use their hair. Indian women have some of the most luscious hair amongst all types of women across the world. This past summer, I cut off 10 inches of my hair, which a hair salon then used to make a wig. We have the stomachs and taste buds of champions. We were raised eating food made from the hottest indigenous spices in the world.
Our taste buds have become impervious to American spices; Tabasco ain't got nothin' on us. We can make a killer chai tea. I'm a Starbucks gold card member and I would still take an Indian-style chai made at home over a Starbucks chai latte any day. A typical homemade chai is made with cinnamon sticks, some fresh ginger, a dash of masala spice or dry mix, and a black tea of your choice, like Darjeeling.
Oh, and a lot of love. You're welcome for the recipe.
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