There was also no immediate answer. This was my mother. The woman who had called poison control when, as a toddler, I had decided that cologne was for drinking. The woman who had picked me up and cleaned scraped knees as a kid. The woman who cheered at my soccer games and drove me to countless swim practices. This was the woman who had brushed away tears over friends and boyfriends.
Who had smiled proudly at my high school and college graduations. This is the woman who had seen the world with me. My rock, and my support system. This was the woman who raged with anger at night and promptly forgot fights in the morning. This was the woman who could throw words far sharper than knives when she felt provoked. The woman with two personalities. Being around her was a constant guessing game — which woman would you get?
So, I ripped the Band-Aid off. Addiction was no longer the elephant in the room; the spotlight was shining firmly on it. The next two months brought no resolution, but brought on the first series of panic attacks that I had ever experienced. All the years of waiting with baited breath, and I still couldn't breathe. Instead of relief, I was struck with an overwhelming wave of anxiety.
Fat tears of despair rolled down my face as I worried about what the coming months would bring — would she be OK? Would she be able to manage after leaving rehab? Did I need to worry? We both lived to tell the tale. If I said it hasn't been hard for me, I would be lying. It was awful, soul-wrenchingly painful and I may continue running up therapist bills well into the next decade. But today my mother is in recovery. To me, she is the picture of perseverance, of hope, of strength, of love.
She is a woman unafraid to speak the truth about addiction. She is a success story, she is an advocate, and it is all due to her hard work and dedication. I have never been prouder to be her daughter. Of course, I have empathy for addicts too. So much in fact that I belittled myself by staying with one for seven years. I remember the night I decided to stop walking on tip-toes.
I realized over the years I had become less of myself. I was worried about his anger, or that he would relapse, or be too stressed out or my actions would cause something bad to happen. Suddenly I realized how ridiculous this all was. It was his turn to learn to deal with the reality of our existence instead of us having to shrink because of the reality of his. His comment affected our friendship for years. I thought I could fix him. I thought my love would be enough.
While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. The reason this advice hurt so much at the time was that it would have forced me to see my part in things. I wasted years of my life wondering why. Running would have taken courage. I am stronger than this.
I can do better. The other part is that it would have forced me and others to acknowledge the truth. Alcoholism remains hidden in the shadows. No one talks about it. We go to great lengths to avoid the subject altogether. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy. In running I would have to tell the truth.
If You Love Someone with Alcoholic Parents
She's been lying to him about going to Alanon. You are a wonderful mother and friend. She most definitely is codependent. But she said she can't deal with his drama and maintain her school schedule she's not a strong studentchime her counselor in about her boyfriend's addiction. The first words my dad said to my mom is dating an alcoholic when i my mom is dating an alcoholic back home as this big strong man hugged me as tight as he possible could was "Im speed dating in paris france so happy you are home and safe with us. But she said she can't deal with his drama and maintain her school schedule she's not a strong studentso we'll see. She's been lying to him about going to Alanon? He is a serious control freak! I can sleep now, his journey in life will follow its path. I told her that what concerns me is, angry, bravo online dating show she doesn't want the drama.