Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. There are problems inherent with both styles.
For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship. Of course, the courtship style presents its own set of difficulties.
While many courtship advocates see it as the only choice for finding a mate, others find it oppressive and overly controlling. No one is the same in a group setting as he or she is one-on-one. If a couple is never alone together, they never have that one-on-one opportunity to relate and get to know one another in emotional and spiritual intimacy. It is important to remember that neither dating nor courtship is mandated in Scripture.
Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man. Courtship is dating with a purpose. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not.
Both outcomes are valid in a courtship! You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. Base your courtship in the family: Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting and his family, about you! Love can be blind at times—family and friends can really help to correct our vision.
If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family friends from Church, for example to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship. Items 6 — 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship. The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines. Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first.
Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately—just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away.
As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies. Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage—every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time—you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally.
And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting. To kiss or not to kiss: Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not! Saving that first kiss:
How is courtship different than dating?
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