Top Tips for Preparing for a Dream Job Interview Walk down any street or into any bar in China and you will see the oh-so familiar sight of foreign men with Chinese girls. Go on any internet forum and you will be able to access myriad conversations and threads extolling the trials and tribulations of Western men dating Chinese girls. But what if we flip it the other way round? Fe Ilya The sight of a western woman with a Chinese man is, although admittedly more and more commonplace, still a relative rarity, and the information and advice available to Western women who are seeking to date Chinese men is still comparatively scarce.
So scarce, in fact, that Jocelyn Eikenburg, an American who has been married to a Chinese man for several years, has written a successful blog , and even been interviewed by the BBC about this "phenomenon". One of them could be the way in which Chinese men, all Asian men for that matter, are portrayed in Western culture. The emasculation of the Asian male is a well documented trope of Western cinema. Asian men are either portrayed as celibate, pure, martial arts heroes or one dimensional token minorities.
This undoubtedly has an effect on the way Western women view Chinese men. Another reason is the relative conservatism of Chinese relationships; gender roles in Chinese relationships are so clearly defined that even lesbian couples frequently divide themselves in to masculine and feminine counterparts, T for tomboy , and P for princess. Whilst this also exists in the occidental world, deviation from this is much less common over in China.
But all this aside, what are relationships actually like for Western women who take the plunge and date Chinese men? In the West, dating is seen as something you can do casually at least in the beginning. Something that will only result in long term commitment or marriage if those feelings develop. Comfort, reliability, getting on well with his parents and being family oriented will often take precedence over passion, common interests and sexual compatibility.
Chinese men, especially those in their early twenties, may also be less sexually experienced than you, so you might want to take that into consideration before you pounce. Differences in Communication When it comes to communication, sometimes less appears to be more in China. The Chinese are much less prone to expressing love directly , and confrontation generally avoided. Chinese guys can sometimes be much less forthcoming with their feelings.
When interrogating a friend of mine he had this to say: This can be confusing to Western women who may be used to more direct expressions of admiration. Several blogs by Western women who have come across this problem report that they had to eventually just ask directly whether the guy actually liked them or not. One woman even had to ask her now-husband to kiss her when they were dating. Chinese guys are more likely to show their love in different ways, however - by taking care of you, for example.
Many Western women have experienced confusion over Chinese guys carrying their bags for them, insisting on paying for everything and taking them shopping even if her income far outstrips his. They date for marriage Chinese guys, with pressure from their parents and coming from a different culture of dating, by-and-large date to marry. So much so, that my husband didn't ask to date me, he asked me to be with him for the rest of his life. I guess that was his marriage proposal!
So, if you're dating a Chinese guy, make sure to figure out what the both of you want out of the relationship so you can manage expectations. All of the Chinese women that have married Western men that I know of have returned to his home country soon after the wedding. Read more about what Chinese women love about Western guys.
Part of this comes from their obligation to care for their aging parents and grandparents. Also it's easier for them to continue their career here, especially if they're older and already established in their career. As for free English lessons, although my husband and I only communicate in English, I know of several couples who speak Chinese because their boyfriend or husband doesn't speak a word of it.
They take their parents' word seriously With filial piety being taught in school from first-grade on, I've found that Chinese adults take their parents' word very seriously. Jocelyn's now father-in-law told his son that he was welcome to be friends with a Western woman but not to date her. This must have been a huge letdown for him, but fortunately love won out. My husband's parents are always telling us what to do, not to do, how to do such-and-such properly and how to raise the kids.
I try to listen out of respect, then choose whether or not I'll follow what they say. They're okay with living apart Presumably, you meet your boyfriend while you're both in the same city as most couples do, but a large number of Chinese couples live and work in different cities. My sister-in-law and her husband spent their whole time dating and the first four years of their marriage living in different cities, countries even, due to work. At least half of the kids I tutor only see their dad once a year because of this.
The opportunity to earn more money is often more lucrative than staying at home. I didn't realize just how common this is when we were dating and I got lucky and found a guy that likes to stay close to home. The two times he's been given the option to go to Inner Mongolia, and triple his income, he's turned it down. They can be shy and insecure When it comes to dating Western women, we've noticed that Chinese guys tend to be shy and insecure.
In a post on her blog, Speaking Of China, Jocelyn recalls the story of a Chinese taxi driver telling her that he couldn't satisfy the needs of foreign women in a previous relationship. Another insecurity is money. Chinese people tend to think Americans are rich and can't provide for us on their smaller salary.
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