Also, forgiveness is for when someone has a stopped doing the harmful thing and b apologized. I give you permission to ignore the entire concept of forgiveness for now. Even if they agreed to end things, is there any going back to the life you thought you had, where your husband is a safe haven who will always leave the light on for you while you explore your addictions totally unproblematic day-drinking hobby?
Cool, okay, well, have a good day. Do you think things are working well between us? Did you sit around trying to come up with the most hurtful, appalling thing you could do to me? Even though they are pretty reasonable questions given the situation? Because if you actually talk about it with them, it will become real? I say this with all the love I can muster: Your marriage is dead.
Your relationship with your mom is also pretty dead. Those relationships can die but I want you to be alive. You were hiding from your own life in that pub, all those days of passing out and killing time with grubby men in grubby places. Drinking in your car and presumably driving? Something has been permanently lost or damaged, and, while I understand the fantasies, breaking these two people up will not restore whatever it is or was. Take the kind of loving care of yourself that you wish someone else would take for you.
Radically intervene in your own life to take care of yourself. And then cut him and your mom out of your life entirely. Before that talk, I think it is time to call on any and all resources you can find who are not your husband or your mother. Other family members who you can count on. A divorce attorney solicitor where you are? A medical doctor for a complete checkup.
Also, no more hiding out, no more monitoring your husband and your mom. Drag everything into the light and deal with it. You told us your story, so tell a therapist and a friend. Start imagining yourself in a different kind of future, where you are free of them and have a fresh start. You are only 34 years old! The thing will probably perish on its own without you in the middle providing a dramatic focus.
Even if they stay together forever gloriously in love mashing their perfect bodies together for the rest of time? Lie or oog people out? Ok, finally, I think your drinking problem is an actual problem that deserves serious, thorough, compassionate, loving treatment. You have an illness that is slowly eating your life. Maybe it ate your marriage a few bites at a time.
None of that makes you a terrible person who needs to hide in the bushes from the assholes in her life, it makes you human. It makes you deserving of care and compassion and help and second chances and third chances and fresh starts. Her dad and I have very little contention, and we've been totally chill with each other about splitting up.
It really is ironically the best thing we have ever done for our relationship. It's like this giant bubble of stress has been dissipated. Now that I found a place and signed a lease, we're ready to tell her. I'm just here looking for advice on how to ease the destroying of her world. Oh, I'm only moving a few minutes away and we've agreed on a pretty ebb and flow custody schedule.
She's not switching schools and I'm actually a little closer to her BFF, so there are a few little things like that that will hopefully lessen the blow. Here's 5 of the best suggestions: They didn't try to make everything ok immediately. Instead, they let me know that it was ok to feel sad right now, but that those feelings would fade and everything would be better eventually. And they never pushed me to feel anything I wasn't ready to feel. They also had a plan in place and let me know the exact plan as soon as they could.
Try to take as much uncertainty as possible out of the equation. We make sure we back each other up in any parenting decision, and always present a united front. We also carve out times when the three of us spend time together as a family. Similarly to you guys, splitting up actually improved our relationship and allowed us to be better parents, indeed better people: It is her first break up.
She is going to have to grieve the end of the relationship. You can help her through the stages but don't rush her. There is denial, bargaining, anger, sadness,and acceptance. Counseling would give her an outlet. You have your friends and so does your husband
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Mum asks for advice on how to break divorce news to a 9-year-old
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