If spending time with your partner exhausts you, you might be dating the wrong person. Even the best of relationships include the occasional fight, but this should be the exception, not the norm. You should feel happy and alive with your partner, not sad and stuck. You avoid difficult conversations. If every difficult chat gets swept under the rug, you might be dating the wrong person. Should you bring up things like politics, religion, favorite sexual positions, or your desire to have five children on the first date?
But as the weeks and months and years go on, it becomes more and more important to have those tough but necessary conversations. If your religion is a top priority but your partner is anything but a devout follower, you need to have a chat. Your relationship is their one and only interest. My first love happened to be my first relationship, and for me, the end of the honeymoon phase sent me into fight or flight mode.
Why was he texting less? Were other girls more interesting to him? Why does he never ask to hang out anymore? Why does he have Tinder now? I felt as if I could have become a Victoria's Secret model or the next Mark Zuckerberg and he still wouldn't have cared. I was told my thoughts were normal and I should start exercising more to rid myself of the anxiety. I should try and go to bed earlier and I should adopt a healthier lifestyle.
I should give him space when he's angry and not pressure him to do anything. And, at the time, I thought this was a great idea. Maybe, if I sent him a nice text message during the day, he would stop messaging other girls on Tinder. Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax called this intimacy "feel[ing] safe enough together to be your honest selves.
If you've been dating seriously for months and still feel so anxious you need to re-write all your texts five times before you send them, or feel afraid of making an off-the-cuff remark or silly joke to your partner because you fear they may not like it, it might not be just because they still give you butterflies — you might just be wrong for each other, and that's why you can't relax. If the idea of being your true self around your partner fills you with anxiety well after the "getting to know you" period, you may want to investigate why.
You Don't Have Much In Common Maybe you were thinking that opposites attract — hey, it worked for Paula Abdul and that cartoon cat , right? Maybe your last ex was so similar to you that it made you feel bored, so you made sure your new partner was nothing like you. But that's probably not an amazing plan if you're looking to cultivate a serious relationship. A eHarmony survey found that not having enough in common was one of the most common reason couples split up second only to feeling like their partner didn't respect their autonomy.
How To Tell You Might Be In The Wrong Relationship: If you and your partner seem to have almost nothing in common — from your tastes in movies to your beliefs about how people should conduct themselves in relationships — you're not only going to experience needless stress; you may also have a rough time bonding. Trying to build a life together with someone who doesn't understand your jokes, your values, why you're obsessed with your job or why you love your collection of vintage Pokemon figurines can be really difficult.
If you're making it work with your cartoon cat and you're happy, good for you!
25 Easy-To-Miss Signs That You’re With The Wrong Person
10 Signs You're Dating the Wrong Person
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