Dating is fun, isn't it? I used to babysit for a perfectly happy couple, with three adorable children, where this dynamic was undoubtedly the case. The wife was a babe and the husband was rich and really nice. They seem to really love each other, regardless. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. If he's nice to you, who cares what he looks like? Meanwhile, men often value looks over a woman's brains Of course, not all men value looks over intelligence, but just as a woman tends to value a man's "stability" over his looks, so too do men value looks over a woman's brain.
Freed tells us that this is because men are more visually inclined than us lady-folk. It's not even their fault for valuing physical beauty because they're "wired to be attracted by visual stimuli. So while it's easy to blame the media for what we deem attractive, it has no bearing on the fact that men in general place more value on looks than women when choosing partners. Freed assures us that this emphasis on physical beauty does not mean a man doesn't also value a woman's mind, "Evolved men look for a dynamic combination of what they find visually appealing and a true equal.
Someone will always have the upper hand. Someone will always have better attributes in some respects and not in others. Even when couples are "total equals," there is something that one person will have that the other lacks. Someone is going to make more money, be more attractive, have a better sense of humor. That is just the nature of reality. The key is finding balance; a balance that works for you and your happiness.
So, while we may not be able to find someone who meets our match both physically and intellectually, we can hopefully fall somewhere in between. You have to find what's right for you. Gigi is a Sex and Dating Writer for Thrillist. Her boyfriend is hot and smart, but she still holds all the cards. Follow her lovable crazy on Twitter GigiEngle. But the one thing I never wanted to change was their loyalty, or their need for me.
I would always be one to get fed up and walk away. The easy, therapist-approved explanation for my being attracted to men like this is that I like constants. My parents were divorced when I was 10, my mother died when I was 25, and there was a lot of dropping the ball and surprise developments in between. Or you could say I get off by mommying my boyfriends.
That it gives me a false feeling of superiority. And sure, helping okay, nagging them did provide me with a sense of usefulness. A more accurate layer to this dynamic would be where I was in my life when these guys had entered it. They were as much a pillar for me as I was for them. She is more likely to meet a Jeff than a Zuckerberg. My stepmom confirmed this, in a strange, roundabout way: To be stimulated sexually, mentally and emotionally.
To find someone who could hold his own and not get on my nerves. And the learning curve was slow. Another who was ablaze with self-confidence and sexual magnetism, but whose mom still cooked for him several times a week. I even dated a player type who seemed like he might dump me and he did.
Girl Talk: On Dating Down
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