I feel like a lot of twentysomethings, because of immaturity, aren't as informed about the disease and stigmatize it. What if the person I'm with right now isn't the right person for me? Am I saying no to all the other guys who might be the one I want to spend my life with? I once went on four dates in a day. When you are constantly texting multiple people and don't respond to one, you get the infamous question mark text. You never intended to break someone's heart. It's just a lot.
On one hand, this is kind of great because you get to weed out a lot of clunkers you wouldn't want to spend time with. On the other hand, it sucks because there's less for you to discover from spending actual, in-person time with him. You can be having a great conversation with a guy online, then, at the slightest suspicion that you are a total queen, you are ghosted. We just need to learn that some guys really are into Britney Spears while others really do love monster trucks, but that doesn't define what they can bring to dating or a relationship.
I've been in all three relationships and neither was perfect, but all provided wonderful learning and growth opportunities. Relationship dynamics are unique. The relationship I want with one man is not exactly the same kind I'd want with another. It's become a thing to hide behind a virtual wall and become something you're not. That's why I prefer meeting someone through mutual friends or activities. There aren't any surprises. Why do I have to worry if someone ONLY dates Latin guys? Why do I need to find a guy at an 'Urban Night?
It's like you are a mistress but aren't since you both are single. I understand that people are in very different places in their coming-out process when they are Each guy is at a different place in their gay maturity. Though I respect that, I still want to find someone in a similar place of coming out. It can feel like babysitting otherwise.
Even though they're absolutely correct, maybe my idea of fun is not being single. I know what 'wild and crazy fun' is out there, but I already got it out of my system. I feel that I'm ready to settle down. So yeah, I have every right to want to be with someone. They're too busy partying, going crazy, sleeping around, or being too narcissistic to care about someone else.
I feel like a lot of the younger gays lack empathy and just don't possess the qualities necessary to have a healthy relationship. Everyone seems to have a few screws loose that I've met, and it just doesn't end up working out. In the past couple years, I've dated older men because I wanted a solid, responsible man in my life, but these dates only helped me realize that I'm not ready to be comfortable yet. And while I'm not dating older men now, I can't help but feel immediately disconnected from people my own age.
But I want to make one thing clear: I HAVE A JOB AND CAN BUY MY OWN SHIT. There seems to be this assumption, especially when you are more attracted to older guys, that you want something from them because you are a poor twentysomething with no direction. We are all trying to figure out how we are going to stage the rest of our lives.
With so many options, all the damn time, Grindr can become addicting. Sex can become addicting. Use Grindr sparingly, especially right after you come out. Wait a little while. I learned this the hard way. Dating is always a pain in the ass, and there will be many times when you hate all of gaykid. Gay men are competitive for jobs, other men, fame, and anything else you can think of. Even in large cities like NY or SF, the dating pool is still small.
This means you will run into your ex. You will run into that guy you hooked up with on Grindr. You will run into everyone all the damn time. So do your best not to burn any bridges. This goes back to the fact that gay men are competitive and the dating pool is small. Your ex is usually not off limits for friends. Of course, this depends on the relationship you have with your friends.
Many gay men are openly racist. This means that many gay men discriminate against men who present and act more traditionally feminine. They only like and are accepting of men who act traditionally masculine. So many gay men are awesome. Gay culture is awesome. Being gay is awesome. Cutting humor is how many of us communicate. Sex is easy to come by. Watch 'Paris Is Burning' and learn queer history. We have a strong, diverse, and fabulous community. Highly, highly consider starting PrEP.
Some men will take advantage of your naivety. Grindr can be very addicting. Dating is still going to be a pain in the ass. Gay men can be competitive.
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