Indian Men Dating White Women

At times she ignored the comments, but when she did try to fight back, some men found the aggression titillating: By extension, the Indian women they are with must be promiscuous. Then there is patriarchy: Women who venture out of the nest to seek a mate must lack decency. The ugly head that raises itself at the sight of anything that dares to deviate from the norm. When Aarya decided to tie the knot with Nicholas in , she often got lectured about the sanctity of marriage and how it should be preserved.

And a mixed-race couple in which one person is black often brings out the worst kind of racism. I wondered whether she would have felt as much concern over my being so far away from my mother had I married an Indian. Or whether a policeman from a Mumbai police station would have muttered under his breath when Aarya went for a no-objection certificate required for her American visa: In a country where jingoism is at its peak and love is being politically exploited, such comments are no surprise.

I urge them to listen to the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke, who said: I found myself thinking that White women were better than other women of color. I would not date a White woman or marry one because I thought it would be unfair to her, if I was only choosing her because of this internalized racism which made me think that White women were the most beautiful of all, just because of her White skin.

You see I knew this was false thinking. What if I married her and then at some point down the road, this falsity became clear? Then what would that relationship have to possibly stand upon, when it was built upon falseness and untruth? Today I still work very hard on this internalized racism inside myself, and I am free from it to some extent. Internalized racism is the exact mirroring of racism, and racism is the superiority of the White race over people of color.

In my case, what racist White people think of Indians reflected itself back into what we think of ourselves—that we are not good enough, not smart enough, lazy, stupid, or somehow just unworthy. I thank God that through prayer, much effort, and painstaking honesty with myself I have found some freedom from it. It is this freedom from internalized racism that I try to share with others, so they too can be free.

When I speak of racism or internalized racism, I sometimes get attacked by White people who try to unconsciously keep racism going; and from people of color who try to hide from their own internalized racism. It is a grave malady which, unless arrested, is capable of causing the destruction of the whole human race. I have tried to raise my children so that they might be free from the terrible influence of internalized racism. I have raised them to be proud of who they are as Indigenous people, with a spiritually powerful culture that is really second to none, and that will someday shed its light on the whole world.

The dark skin and curly hair that I was ridiculed for in Singapore were admired and complimented for the first time in my life. I did wonder if I was being exoticised by some European guys, but the fact that I had to even question why anyone would find me attractive reflected a bruised self-esteem that growing up as an Indian girl in Singapore had dealt me. Before I say that minority women, especially those with darker skin tones, are generally considered to be less desirable in Singapore, I must admit that I personally know many dark-skinned Indian girls who are dating Chinese, Malay, Eurasian or Caucasian guys here.

But the statistics suggest that I may quite possibly know all of them. Indian grooms and Chinese brides rounded up the top 5 ethnic group combinations at 5. I have also heard Chinese Singaporeans state unequivocally that they would never date Indians. Furthermore, conventionally Chinese or East Asian features are constantly lauded as the ideal standards of beauty in Singapore.

Numerous advertisements and the recent Cosmopolitan Singapore controversy are testaments to this. Would seeing a Caucasian man and a Chinese woman together elicit the same reaction? Strangely, the most disapproving looks I have received are from fellow Indians. Some of my male Indian friends have remarked to me that my decision to date a Caucasian man, presumably before other Indian men, speaks to a broader pre-occupation with the white male ideal.


A brown woman with a white man brings out the worst in Indians


Indian Boy—and My Internalized Racism

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