It might be those things, yes. But I'd like to think that my steadfast-singleness is an education of sorts. I'm learning, you see. Learning to enjoy my own company, which, when you think about it, is laying some pretty good groundwork for any future relationship I may find myself in. Personally, I think it takes some courage, and some cajones, to face life solo. Some days I feel brave. I'm learning how to weather life's storms on my own, which is something I think all women should know how to do.
Now, don't think I'm dissing those of you who have jumped right back into the thick of things. I have friends who found new, and better loves, before the ink on their divorce decrees was dry. And that is AWESOME. We all have our very own ways of doing things, of growing and recovering and living. Truth be told, there are some moments when I feel some envy.
I see them with their boyfriends or husbands and it reminds me of all the good things that come with couplehood. The companionship, the comfort, the warm strong arm draped over your shoulders on a cold walk to the car. The security one feels when there's a trustworthy man snoring next to you in bed. They've introduced their kids to some of them, brought them to parties and gatherings and then one day, they show up alone.
Or with a new guy. I've comforted them when things go bad, when they realize that this wasn't Mr. Right, it was Mr. That'll Do For Now. There's something to be said for their sheer determination to find someone, and I commend them for that. I have to wonder, though, is that the best way to find your happily ever after, or is it simply a way to keep your dating muscles toned and in shape, to avoid atrophy?
I was talking to another single friend the other night, she joined this club by way of widowhood. I told her that I was writing an article about "embracing your singleness" and she plopped down next to me and told me her side of it: I had been lifting weights and it was bothering me," she continued. That's my focus right now.
I'll figure out the dating thing later on. Love is something we both want, both look forward to Being moms, taking care of households, nurturing friendships. Taking care of ourselves. Finding our sea legs in order to ride out the rest of this crazy voyage. I've heard that love will find you whether or not you're looking. And if that happens? I haven't sworn off men and dating and sex and all of that good stuff I've just decided that right here and right now, it's not my number one priority.
I may meet my Prince Charming while grocery shopping or out on the trails while walking my dog. I might meet him at one of my son's hockey games or while looking for a new phone at Best Buy. Or, I may not. I am a very young 55 years old. I was married for 12 years.. I kicked him out. I was ready to start dating and be noticed by guys after about six months.
I went out with several men, but none who I even remotely wanted to end up in bed with. A guy who was 17 years younger than me asked me out a few times and I finally agreed, with the understanding that it would be on a friendship level only He had been in Iraq with one of my friends who was killed there and wanted to get together to "just talk". After a few dinners and an afternoon of fishing we ended up in bed together and the sex was glorious!
To make a long story short, neither of us had any intention of a relationship other than that of friendship I loved him as a friend but I was never IN love with him, and he was moving across the country in a few months anyway. We enjoyed each other while we could but we had a "no promises, no expectations" agreement and when he moved it was over. Since my friend moved, I haven't cared whether I dated again or not.
I haven't had any sexual yearnings or anything. I think about it sometimes and my voice of reason tells me that I'm truly happy like things are
Divorced and Not Dating
Dating after Divorce
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