I am a natural introvert too but I can adapt to situations as I see fit. Communication is really important. If the other person doesn't engage me or talk about anything worth my while, it suggests to me a couple of things: If it's the former, a person will get cold feet and try to shake off being too close to me. If it's the latter, like you, I hate having to kill what I have but if a person cannot stimulate me and talk to me about things I am interested in-- outside of the mundane inquiries e.
I'm also a bit shy when it comes to being touched by others. I get nervous really easy and have a lot of natural anxiety. That can be a turn off to some people but I try to explain to them, "It's really not something you're doing. I just am this way and generally tend to be. Break out of the self-absorption trap by transferring the focus to helping others.
Channel the energies that reinforced your shyness into rewarding activities that will benefit others in some way. Most importantly, challenge the negative thoughts that go through your head. These feed your insecurity and breed shyness. Look at situations realistically and substitute those toxic thoughts with more affirming ones that will empower you to see and act like the great guy that you are.
Read as many books and workbooks on shyness and social anxiety as you can. Enlist the help of a therapist or coach to go through them with you to help you generalize your learning to the places where it counts most. Conclusion Realize, shy guys, that the more you run from and avoid your anxiety-provoking situations, the more strengthened and reinforced your shyness gets.
The key is to stop giving away your personal power to others in what you perceive of them thinking of you and learn to become more assertive. Get out there and make your dreams come true! You have a lot to contribute and give, but you must realize this first and take proactive steps to making your vision a reality. And a special note to all of you single, extroverted, outgoing, non-shy guys…. Never underestimate the power and value of a shy guy. He is very creative, passionate, loyal, and caring.
So never turn a blind eye, because shy guys make good boyfriends too. And who knows, he could even turn out to be your life partner. Gay kids are also at high risk for bullying. And if you are gay and shy, you may have received a toxic double dose of teasing. If that happened to you it was heartbreaking, and the first job in recovery is experiencing compassion for your own little kid.
Many of my clients, when they examine why they drink too much, realize that they drink to feel safe in social situations. If you want to reduce your drinking, you might want to begin to look at the connection between shyness, gayness, and use. When clients realize they are ultimately endangering their health to feel loved, change occurs. In the US, we live in a culture that idolizes the charming.
Shy people often are better listeners, more insightful and empathic, and appear more trustworthy and less threatening to others. And given what we see on reality television, maybe the world could use a little more shyness. Blum, MFT is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men.
He writes a blog on these topics at http:
How to Get Over Being Shy For Gay Men Who Want a Relationship Badly!
This is where you can ask the manly men for their opinions on various topics.
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